I haven't been here in awhile, have I? Mostly because I periodically lose my camera cable, and feel like posting without pictures is cheating. However, I might as well just write down some things to get myself back on track.
First thing: I've been in a crafting block...because my cat died.
I wish I could say that she was old, it was her time, or something..but she wasn't even three yet. I don't even know how she died. I was home for the weekend, cooking dinner with my dad, he went outside to light the grill, came back in slowly and said," Shan....something bad happened. I just found Cricket outside, dead." We think she must have gotten into some rat poison somewhere, because there was no visible reason for her to stop living.
I usually console myself when a pet dies by telling myself, "They had a good life." That's not working this time. Yeah, she had a good life...she loved life like no other pet I ever had. She was playful and excitable and full of adventure. And now she's been cheated of nine years of life she should have had.
And so I didn't feel like crafting for weeks, and to be honest, I still don't....I start things and rip them out, over and over and over. I've never really felt like this before--I'm a very materialistic person, I love objects, yarn, possessions....but now I feel like what's the point? What's the point of things when someone you love can just disappear at any time? When life can be lost, what do objects matter? It's a question I'm still struggling with...and I know it's only going to get worse. I have never had a human being who is close to me pass away yet.
I feel like it's disloyal to try not to think about her, to bury my thoughts and move on just for the sake of being cheerful. But I guess we do what we have to do.